(Not) In So Many Words

"And so it seems, once proven and forever, that promises do indeed last forever - not in the heads of those who promised but in the hearts to whom promises were made. Indeed, the more I loved you, the more you didn't care.
Why? That which I have given, I gave not out of kindness nor for my love to you, but for my belief that to you I belong and with me all that I give is yours by default. You have shown me that the faster I see myself falling down, the further the ground escapes, refusing to accept the chance of being accused that it was she, the ground, that killed me. So I fall. But I don't stop falling. Until then, I am yours. Sometimes, it all makes sense. Sometimes, when I think about it, not so much. I tell myself I am accepting of what you have done, but that would make us both just as guilty. Guilty because we have both violated the same thing. Me, rising to the stooping down of our level. All those words you said, it wasn't about the words. I believed them for your voice. All the places you touched me, it wasn't about the touches. I felt them for it were your hands around me. Everytime I remember, or everytime I try, fail, for I insist on forgetting the words and the touches and only long for your voice and your hands. What is it that is so right about you that makes me more wrong. Why am I addicted. I am not dependent. I know it. I am addicted. You know it. But why, you cannot tell for you do not know. Or so it seems. Because I think you, too, are addicted. You are addicted to your voice and to your hands, because, quite obviously, you seem to choose not to settle for anything else, regardless of how similar, to replace them. Tell me why. No, explain to me how. How did you become so vain. The more I break, the stronger you gather - only to break me some more. Stronger. Still falling for the ground escapes further since now I am falling even faster. And behind that door, I last. With you pressed against me although I am not there. Taking what is yours and me loving the hating for the loving of my hating for my accepatnce to give. No, to return. What is yours. Me. Still I want to apologize. For whatever I am returning of me. Broken," she wrote to me.


  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Blogger rahab al majed | رَحَـبْ المــاجِـدْ, at 17.8.06  

  • did she get a reply?

    By Blogger rahab al majed | رَحَـبْ المــاجِـدْ, at 18.8.06  

  • To me, this post is about the human being's ability to be ridiculously attached to other people. Even in the face of clear "knowledge" that we will get hurt, we still pursue harm in matters of the heart. May none of us end up broken!

    By Blogger BeeCrazy, at 18.8.06  

  • "You have shown me that the faster I see myself falling down, the further the ground escapes, refusing to accept the chance of being accused that it was she, the ground, that killed me. So I fall. But I don't stop falling."

    A genius representation, artistically and psychologically!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 18.8.06  

  • That is too deep for me.
    I think I have to read it again.

    By Blogger Delicately Realistic, at 18.8.06  

  • I read it again.
    You surprise me sometimes.

    By Blogger Delicately Realistic, at 18.8.06  

  • Beautiful, but you know it already. You might want to consider getting published. Seriously.

    What's 'your' take on this..? What do 'you' think?

    By Blogger ScarlO, at 18.8.06  

  • ur posts give me faith i hope u never stop writing

    By Blogger Tinkerbell, at 18.8.06  

  • ladies,

    no she didnt get any,, but i bet you're thinking i got majorly owned by her that i should muster a reply! :|

    digital nomad,
    exactly. and from personal observation i think some people as if feed on it..
    like, they want to 'feel' victimized on some level - i know it doesnt sound right but i think its true

    teslimeen :)
    now if i could only draw..

    mm how do i surprise you?

    i could ask you about certain ways in specific, but i dont want you to have an easy time answering and just choose a pick

    thanks, and like i said i'll consider the published thing when i break my 4th million at the bank

    my take is that i think i deserve (writing to myself) what she called me in saying vain and making me come out as inconsiderate & unappreciative.
    but i think i "overdid" her innocence and purity as a consequence

    thank you, much appreciated :)

    By Blogger Temetwir, at 18.8.06  

  • I'm mesmerized. By the tangibility, transparency and honesty in that piece.

    And again, you never cease to amaze me. This time, you really caught me off-guard. We should see that side of you more often...

    By Blogger Sedna, at 18.8.06  

  • sedna,
    thanks rainbow
    not sure about seeing this side of me more often, laken le kole 7adethen 7adeeth heh

    By Blogger Temetwir, at 18.8.06  

  • "7egreeh yemoot feech"

    this, what is said about men in relationships.

    keep on falling my brother, thats her game.

    Enjoy the ride.

    By Blogger Nooni, at 18.8.06  

  • ooops thats the other way around!! LOL i delete my comment ..
    no comment for me in that case.

    By Blogger Nooni, at 18.8.06  

  • Sedna and umel3eyel took the words from me..esp. the peice umel3eyel posted, i actually copied it while i was reading the text to comment on it.

    There's something about it thats so personal, yet almost everyone can relate. For unpleasant reasons..i can relate to this feelings, not exactly though,but somewhere around it.

    Tho its nice to see this side of you every so often, i also apperciate all your other sides, you're well rounded and the roller coaster of emotions in your blog is appropriate :P keep it up'

    By Blogger Faith, at 18.8.06  

  • I think you are right, they do kind of feed on that victimization. Its really frustrating watching people do that! How can you get them to stop that horrendous cycle?

    By Blogger BeeCrazy, at 18.8.06  

  • i think i "overdid" her innocence and purity as a consequence.

    Yes you did. I almost hated you :-p

    And I second what Lord Rainbow said: it's side of you that we never get to see often.

    By Blogger ScarlO, at 18.8.06  

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 18.8.06  

  • I cant answer because I have no answer.

    Maybe I should read it a third time?

    (By the way....no hard feelings right?)

    By Blogger Delicately Realistic, at 18.8.06  

  • AMAZING but it makes me so sad, hands down one of your best posts in my book

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 18.8.06  

  • judy abbott,
    balaach ma 3arafteeni 3ala your first comment.
    3al3omom tara that's not good advice.. it probably works with boys, not men i.e. someone who likes the thrill of chase because he has a lot of time on his hands lena theres nothing better to do and wants to feel "rewarded" from time to time because of his masculinity. if that flips your skirt, then knock yourself out.
    bs ikhtheeha meny, fi farg tara bain el teghely wel ehmaal

    yes i think digital nomad summed it up real nice for why it can be so general, i agree.
    and i'm both sorry and glad you can relate, i can only hope that there isnt any resentment there.
    o mashkora tislemeen, kelech nethar :)

    digital nomad,
    i think one has to show them convincingly that it doesnt make them 'precious' nor does it make them come off as fragile (in the delicate sense), but on the contrary.
    and also, one must explain to them that it only gives off a sense of them being childish: not living up to their responsibilities and admitting their part in any given situation, i.e. shying away and blaming others for everything as to come out both innocent, and that they were a mix of having been 'played' and not appreciated.
    sure it may work the first time, or even the first couple of times,, but then it just becomes both "old" as well as a burden on the other person(s) to put up with because it's mostly an act that is enacted on the one side, dont you think? :)

    she got on my nerve and so that's why you're seeing this side 3ala golatkom.
    we don't want to make a habit out of it, now do we
    fa mn elyom o raye7, nerja3 o ma negol ela: feeni bedayat wagt wenhaayat azmaan

    of course no hard feelings, you mean a lot to me and you know it.. and if need be, only thing you have to ask yourself is how many times over do you want me to prove it before you think i'm embarassing you in front of your friends or whoever happens to be passing by,, my only advice is that you dont have a limit for that number of times because i sure dont baby, so might as well leave me open the chance to prove it whenever i need to show you how much i cherish you

    teslemeen, ya3ni at6aman ena this piece is right up there next to those white manolo blahnik heels in your book?

    By Blogger Temetwir, at 19.8.06  

  • "fi farg tara bain el teghely wel ehmaal"

    wayed 3jibatni hal 7achwa...

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 19.8.06  

  • Awwwwwww
    Khnigatny il3abra....see thats what i mean about surprising me ;> u do it so well!
    And on the contrary, its no embarrassment to me at all, bil 3aks fakhar li o shay a3taz fe & I want all to see ;">

    Ur such a softie bs ma7ad fahmik mithly right? :P

    By Blogger Delicately Realistic, at 19.8.06  

  • piece of art

    i'm deeply touched!

    By Blogger Arfana, at 19.8.06  

  • you betchyaa

    i'm ganna copy this and save it in my documenst incase the internet disappears :p

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 19.8.06  

  • anonymous,

    lech ely 6alabtay..
    b3dain ta3alay, softie? hawana me7na metsan3een heh.. yam3awda tara 3endi 3 mn elrabi3 ag3ad ma3ahom beldowaneya yegron el blog, tadreen sheykon mawge3y mn il i3raab etha emsekaw 3alay 'softie'? ehya feha "jarr" bas mo ela agol mn ay no3..
    awaily wailah, feha gebaayel hathy.. bas ana agool amny 3alay ta'meen shaamil, email me a kiss yala

    thank you :)
    (and btw 7amdelah 3alsalama ma istaw3abt your title of the new post when i commented)

    laaa yoba, etha khayfa il entranatz "yekhaliss", 3ayal photoshop it mara wa7da, saweeh nafs email card sheghel ely wa7da shagra we3youn zerg o waraha bel background shalaal wel akh kaateb b kha6 andalosy:
    صار لي بالعشق ما لا هقيت انه يصير
    انظلمت بعشرة انسان ما كنت اظلمه
    العشير الي تبرا من ضلوع العشير
    الحلى عزز خطاياه والحظ اخدمه

    enty saway nafs elshay bas 3ad eb habal zayid 3ala mazajech hehe

    By Blogger Temetwir, at 19.8.06  

  • you are a trilingual writer, and that is an understatement.

    By Blogger Bloo, at 19.8.06  

  • It made me sigh
    i guess we all felt the words somehow

    By Blogger F, at 19.8.06  

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Blogger Delicately Realistic, at 19.8.06  

  • LOL!

    Softie at heart & only when you should be....shfeek its a good thing, ma 3alaik min rab3 ildwaniya, tlagehom akhas minik :P

    O plz khalik mithl ma inta :) no changes...3ajibna chithy...o ily mo 3ajba....knows what to do....

    By Blogger Delicately Realistic, at 19.8.06  

  • bloo,
    thank you for the generous overstatement :)
    i just have to ask though, trilingual??

    while it is specific, i'm sure the theme is very general and easy to relate to.. i still think digital nomad summed it up best

    e zain ashwa at heart, la bas agol ya3ni..
    akhas meni? laish ana shsawait ba3ad heh yala ma3alaih
    o inshala, 7abb'a zaye manna dawwan

    By Blogger Temetwir, at 19.8.06  

  • you have at least three dimensions in you writing, and i don't mean just this piece, you should consider having a regular space in a newspaper.

    By Blogger Bloo, at 21.8.06  

  • bloo,
    thank you very much, you are too kind :)

    By Blogger Temetwir, at 23.8.06  

  • Wow. I was thinking of writing something similar ti that but now I am discouraged. Thanks.

    The more I break, the stronger you gather - only to break me some more. Stronger.

    Beautiful. Too romantic. Just the way I like them.

    By Blogger 5ada, at 28.8.06  

  • smart how you put "she wrote to me" at the end. b/c i had the feeling that the words were man-to-woman, not the other way around.

    very smart indeed.

    I liked it a lot. :)

    By Blogger The Krispy Dixie, at 29.8.06  

  • apologies for the belated reply ladies

    discouraged why? please do write, and if it's not much of a hassle please let me know when you do, i'm interested

    krispy dixie,
    thanks a mill, and actually yeah someone above missed the fact that it was woman-to-man ..
    interesting that i had you going for a while .. i thought it would've 'made sense' for the reader when it shows that it was a woman

    By Blogger Temetwir, at 29.8.06  

  • Hi, I was just wondering if this person has ever written something else? or if s/he has a blog? because I am fascinated with her writing..

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 15.9.06  

  • anonymous,
    the piece was written by myself, as are all the posts on this space.

    i wrote this one as if i were the female who was speaking.. experimenting, if you look a while back there is also a post where i try to write as a 12-year old boy

    at any rate.. thank you very, very much for the kind, kind words and compliment :)

    By Blogger Temetwir, at 15.9.06  

  • You should write more stuff like this. I am beyond fascinated.

    By Blogger Upper-Cruster, at 6.10.06  

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