ناوي على عمري

Inspired by the comments on Om Mejrin's latest topic.

Women are not to be objectified. Yes. Women have rights. True. It is okay for a woman to work. Sure. A woman who is married is no less than the above. Naturally. Now, mothers are not women-full-stop. They are mothers-full-stop. Yeah, true story. 'Mother' is a whole other word with a whole different meaning. Its only relation, if you may, to the word 'woman' is that they are both under the classes 'human' and 'female'.

There are a million factors that come together if and when a mother decides to leave work. And then some. Because I'm not a mother (true story?), you can say I don't know what two of these factors would be. But I could take one wild guess, and still have credit to go on.

Children. Anyone who has spent any time with a child knows that they are a lot of work. They (children) don't just happen to wake-up after 2pm and go back to sleep before 10pm. That means they need supervision around the clock. Here is where the million factors come in. Things like, is a grandparent around? Is an uncle, an aunt, whatever. Maids do not count. I repeat, maids do not count. READ MY LIPS. MAIDS DO NOT COUNT.

In extreme circumstances, one could argue that 'oh, but the mother has to work so she can support her husband in providing for their family'. For that, I honestly have no response. So with this aside, let's continue.

Being a stay-home mother does not make one less of a woman. Personally, I believe it makes her greater. Sure, a stay-home mother may not have a job. She has THE job.

So what about the degrees? The careers? The independence? I say, what about them?

I've always said it, and I'll say it again. Degrees don't mean a thing. They are a waste of time. They do not make you smarter, more knowledgable, nor an asset to society. Sure, you may have a degree, but that does not give you the direct right to a job. This is applicable to single males, as much as it is for married-women-with-children.

As far as the career is concerned, a mother has a job more demanding than if she were to become a "Mrs. President". So pursuing a career would only complicate things for both herself and for her children. It's not like time is magically going to elongate or something.

Independence? What independence? She is married, first. Mother to a child, second. Independence? Nigga, please.

Now ofcourse, couples have their circumstances and have their agreements. So this in NO WAY applies to you, your family, anyone you know, or anyone I know. This has nothing to do with any human being on Earth.

What I'm trying to say is, mothers not only have a lot of things to do. But they're needed far far FAR FAR ................................. far more.

There are women who have had jobs, and raised their children wonderfully. Good for them. But that's not the point. The point is, a mother should feel that her place is with her children. And if you think a stay-home mom does nothing but 'stay at home', then you need to grow up. Fast.


  • i didnt want to include this in the post: i call A3sab om mejrin for no particular reason .. so la7ad yegoli "but shes om mit3eb when shes online" .. i know

    now get on with it

    By Blogger Temetwir, at 22.11.05  

  • i wouldn't mind being a "stay at home" mom if he (who ever HE turns out to be) has a fat wallet :p

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 22.11.05  

  • I resent the word "Nigga". If know well of the black people's history, you would'nt have called them that, and don't even use "but they call themselves that!" as an excuse.

    * My comment to the subject will be delayed

    By Blogger MBH, at 22.11.05  

  • laialy i hope u mean a fat wallet which could support a family without u working, instead of "a fat wallet which can handle my occasional, ie weekly, shopping sprees".. walla eni ashek feech bas manee 7a6 b themety heh

    mbh haa bedaina niseer men hal majalaat il 3arabeya taking stuff out of context? i said "nigga, plz" which is an expression synonomous to "fuck off" but with "plz" made explicit in it heh .. and i do know the history of the word as i did cover african-american history (where the word popped) back in school: with all the KKK, leeching up to X, the whole nine yards

    -this is for my friend who's probably reading this: HA EL NIGGA BO 7AFAR- heheh

    By Blogger Temetwir, at 22.11.05  

  • I was kidding when I said he had a fat wallet (at’3ashmaaaar ya naas) I am not a materialistic girl. If he can support the family and we can live comfortably (not rich not poor just ok) that will be more than enough.
    Wa Kan Allaho ‘3afooron Ra7emaa

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 22.11.05  

  • laialy y3ni ana ely i wasnt kidding al7een? :/

    aro7 amot y3ni ana aro7 amot?

    By Blogger Temetwir, at 22.11.05  

  • I agree with you. A mother's first & main duty should be at home taking care of her children & husband. This may sound backward to some, but allow me to clarify. I'm educated, got my degrees and studied abroad & lived my independent life.

    At the end of the day though, I'm a woman and this is where I believe the toughest challenge is: to provide for your family and raise well mannered, respectable, intelligent children.

    Everyone can get a degree, everyone can claim independence, but not everyone can raise a child properly.

    By Blogger MSB, at 22.11.05  

  • Disregarding financial circumstances, I agree with you Temetwir. But nowadays, people are having children left and right, without considering how HUGE of a responsibility it is. Some married couples do it because they feel it's biologically time to do so, others want a cute little thing to play with...BOTH parents are responsible for this decision to bring a human life into this world. The role of father and mother are a given, and a human being should not be neglected - in any way- by the people who have brought him/her into this world.

    By Blogger Erzulie, at 22.11.05  

  • This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    By Blogger Jan6a, at 23.11.05  

  • I agree with you Teme,

    I just like to add that femenism is a plague. (ana ham nawe 3ala ro7e ba3ad hehe)

    It is based on the basic concept "equality of the sexes". the words themselves are warped to incite a feeling of injustice. I think its rediculous. The 2 sexes are different in so many ways and are not equal. The word "equal" itself sets the illusion that one was "superior" to the other and the situation must be corrected. But what is superiority? its subjective to the field of contest isn't it? if the contest is strength, you measure superiority with weight-lifting, if the contest is speed, you set up a track and let them run. if the contest is in beauty, you let them walk the catwalks and we measure by whistles and catcalls? and so on and so forth.

    You can set up as many contests between people as you like.. but in the end, the relationship between men and women is too special to be treated that way. men can't bear children, and women can. We were "designed" in this specific way. We don't need to reinvent social order and throw everything in the air and wait for the chips to fall as they may. Heck, the chips already HAVE been thrown in the air since the beginning of humanity! and they HAVE fallen as they have.

    I beg to ask, when femenists say "its a man's world", "all the leaders in the world are men, all financial leaders, all country leaders, all of them." waa waa waa.. Was it a grand conspiracy? I don't see a nation of men, oppressing the nation of women. If the sexes are so equal, why did it turn out this way? Now before you go berserk on me, I'm not saying that being the leaders and all that makes men "superior" at all! its only a subjective illusion. I'm also saying that men and women are different. very different from each other. we don't know the extents of these differences. The differences are both biological as well as psychological. I think both fit certain roles perfectly and are horrible at certain roles.

    Not all women choose to bear children. Some say we want a career instead. Combine the two? when a woman's child-bearing years extend juust before she hits 40 and most of her academic/career has to be achieved in almost the same time period, I think its only rare and extra-ordinary women who achieve that. What about the rest of the feminine community? the normal average female that "can't" make her career and child-bearing cope?

    I think in general for a woman to satisfy her basic needs she has to have children. A woman who can't bear children for any medical reasons gets way more devastated than a man would. So for those women who choose to forsake the family life, I feel real pity for them.

    I see my wife truly happy only when she's surrounded by our two children playing around her. All other happiness I see her feel is pretty marginal compared to that fountain of joy when she's with our kids.

    I think they make her happy alot more than I do, in that way I think women are so superior to men. Women don't need us that much hehe

    I guess I'm saying, femenism is a plague because it puts the 2 sexes at odds, while they needn't be. We're not at war. we should understand ourselves more. and act accordingly. dismissing the matter so simply that we're equal is just lazy. WE ARE NOT EQUAL. WE ARE DIFFERENT. understand your role, and fill it well. and stop whining.

    By Blogger mishari26, at 23.11.05  

  • awal 7aja im loving the comments hina and mashalla everyone has a great perepective so far....7amdella,

    I have a confession to make, I never really thought when I got pregnant 3al kol alta3ab 7ag albabies, seriously.

    I thought ohh a little adorable baby that would sleep when i wanted him to and wake when i wanted to play with him , ya3ney a little real doll, al3ab feyh o laman a6fash give him to his nanny
    (take care before I had sarooji)

    bss in real life when i actually had sarooji 7abeebi it WAS WAY DIFFERNT way way way...

    ya3ney responsibility 5ayleeya, and I wouldnt allow anyone to carry him or yilmasu 7ata, motherly insticnts just kick in la sho3oreyn sub7an allah.

    Even when they are a handful and u feel like ripping ur hair out during the day, when he goes to sleep al donya fatheya o malaha 6a3am, kan mamley al bait be thi7ku o shagawatu...

    Even if I do decide to get a nanny, she would do the housework rather then take care of Siraj, that way a load off would be taken.

    Allah yi5aleelani omahtana illey allah yir'9a 3aliahuim ti3bu 3aliana, o awladna 7abaybna :)))

    *siraj is taking a nap now :(

    By Blogger Noor, at 23.11.05  

  • I was raised by mom, with no maids, and I'm quite happy with the decision my mom made. Also note that she worked too.

    Now, if the man can take care of the whole family (financially speaking), then I see no need for the woman to work (as a way of living) -- still, she could practice minor jobs like arts & crafts ... etc.

    If the man needs some assistant (he should've thought of it before the babies & before marriage), then the woman could get a part time job.

    Nanni-babies (those raised by nannies) are spoiled brats, mostly, and don't get the right ideals/tradition/religion implanted in them, which eventually affects the society as a whole.

    Temetwir, regarding your fire-back/counter-attack, it still doesn't justify using the word. It's humiliating to some people, and Islam insisted (Prohpet Mohammad too) that you don't call people by names they hate.

    By Blogger MBH, at 23.11.05  

  • hmmm interesting comments, even if I didn't need to work I wouldn't stand the fact of not working, after all kids would be in school in my working hours, won't they? shag3ad asawi bro7y belbait chini maynona? maybe in the first couple of years and with the first baby cause it's a new experience and I would need all attention to know how to handle thing..
    tab3an hatha IF I had more than a kid, if I had a kid aslan, if I ever get married min il asaas..

    By Blogger Spontaneousnessity, at 23.11.05  

  • msb,
    very true
    and no, it isnt 'backward' .. think of it this way, those who consider it backward r just shying from responsibility

    i cant agree more on the toughest challenge being raising a family .. althu i would argue its a father's toughest job too

    i think what u mean is that "nowadays, married couples just rnt fit for having babies" and i so agree to some extent .. sure it may be prejudice, but one day u "know" this guy/girl, who u just feel sorry for, and 11 months later s/he's mom/dad .. then u cant help but feel sorry for the child

    am loving the emphasis on "BOTH" parents u make too

    hello.. what constitutes a 'qualified nanny'? she can cope with pressure, change diapers, and do 100 things at a time? .. well yeah, but that doesnt make her qualified to have the compassion the children need

    sure, in the case that she IS qualified and has the compassion - ur still faced with the MOTHER'S loss.. i mean children feeling the 'love' to someone other than their biological mothers, is just as bad or even worst, than a husband feeling for another woman in spite of his wife

    or something like that, madri

    By Blogger Temetwir, at 23.11.05  

  • Mishari,
    oh boy, e wala re7na feha ana weyak heh
    i definitely agree.. im not sure what the call for feminism actually revolves around if it were not for the presupposed, and false, notion that men r degrading women or something

    i really love it when a grl comes up and says out straight "i dont need anyone to fight for my 'rights', or tell me what they are.. i know what they are and already am granted with them bel islam so i dont really need to waste anyone's time"

    as for the women having children.. by all means, i do understand that women, just like men, differ from one another so if one wanted to have a career over being a mother then ill wish her all the best.. its just when she combines both AND favors the career that just disappoints me

    "WE ARE NOT EQUAL. WE ARE DIFFERENT. understand your role, and fill it well. and stop whining." <-- this works great for a sticker hehe

    o allah yekhaleelek il e3yaal yetrabon b3ezik o raby yej3alhom mn el thureya elsal7a :)

    om siraj
    not knowing what ur getting urself into can only be natural .. i dont think there is any number of books, courses, what have u that could prepare a parent for what parenthood is like - let alone motherhood!
    and yeah, personally at least, i see nothing wrong in getting the help of a nanny in aiding a mother (and being ANOTHER woman in the child's life), but most importantly the child has got to grow up feeling immense gratitude for his mother

    but then again thats atleast just the way i see it :)

    By Blogger Temetwir, at 23.11.05  

  • mbh ofcourse, jobs differ a LOT in their nature.. and btw (THIS GOES TO EVERYBODY TOO):

    bel islam (yeah, el islam dash b kel shay gasban 3alay o 3alaikom heh), the wife isnt really 'obliged' to do anything .. in other words, she is NOT required to 'help' her husband financially.. but ofcourse given this day and time, parents could use the extra money when considering bunyaan mathalan aw shay lah geema

    just wanted to make that clear.. and as far as the 'nanny-babies' im not sure if ive ever really met anyone so i dunno..
    and abt the nigga, plz .. i could say now "nigga, plz" disregarding ur race, ethnicity, religion, age, or what have u and still not have it as an insult of any kind heh

    u wouldnt stand the fact of not working becoz .. ? ur gona have a lot of 'free time'?
    yeah? well.. ur not
    oh and yeah the kids could be in school, but that doesnt mean that a mother's job at being a mother is just a morning thing from 8 to 2 .. or 7 to 3 .. or whenever

    and having more than 1 baby doesnt constitutue "repeating what has happened with the first one and knowing my schedule" .. bel3aks it just gets harder n harder.. but i BET more joyful and joyful for the mom ..
    but then again u sum it up, maybe u prefer having a career and not having children in the 1st place which is more than perfectly fine i would say

    note to everybody: as i was replying i remember my cousin's daughter.. both parents have jobs which r really demanding .. in the time when they cant be around the grl with full attention, 3aadatan tekon 3end her grandmother (my aunt) or one of my other aunts (who i call Ameenat Ser il3aayla - and i have no idea why i just said that) .. but yeah the idea being: its not a one-to-one scenario :)

    By Blogger Temetwir, at 23.11.05  

  • Though I agree with you...I have to mention that it was inspired by Om Mejrin...who..being busy raising kids..is now suffering from picking on mundane issues due to her frustration of staying at home and not working...so...if on the basis all we women decide to stay home...you are going to have many frustrated women and that would make the world a very ugly place...trust me! So what is your solution to that?...and please don't say just feel sorry for the man!...that solution does not qualify!

    By Blogger MissCosmoKuwait, at 23.11.05  

  • lalalaa
    esmallah 3laik min el mout

    ana amoot a7san (at'3ashmaaaaaaaaar)
    no one should die

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 23.11.05  

  • misscosmo
    see, now ur just trying to put me in trouble heh
    i did say its inspired by the comments on mejrin's topic, and not what om mejrin herself or her friends (or those who commented) have made explicit

    but anyway
    no one said itd be a walk in the park, on the contrary we're suggesting its the toughest job ever so frustration and even breaking household objects are to be expected

    and if there were 100 mothers on the planet, then id rather have 100 frustrated women all at once, than at LEAST 100 kids (assuming each mother has only one child) growing up lacking all the things that NO ONE can teach u, nor can u acquire from, other than a mother :)


    laialy heh peace it is then

    By Blogger Temetwir, at 23.11.05  

  • ;p~

    not going to comment..

    cuz i know ma ra7 tiswa 3alay o0 u'll attack whatever i say..

    so i'll conclude this with a


    By Blogger Baroque, at 23.11.05  

  • charisma no plz do
    shako ma teswa? o whos gonna attack whatever u say? golay ma lech shegel

    whats up

    By Blogger Temetwir, at 23.11.05  

  • nice stuff man

    By Blogger MASS, at 23.11.05  

  • q8ibloger

    By Blogger Temetwir, at 23.11.05  

  • its mnawir by the way min wayn yibt mijrin??

    By Blogger A3sab, at 24.11.05  

  • Some of the most successful career women are also great mothers.
    And as i said in one of my comments its the QUALITY time you spend with the child THAT REAALY COUNTS.
    spending even two hours of quality time with the child is much more benefitial for him/her than spending 10 hours together at home but with no quality interaction. THIS IS TRUE. THIS IS A SCIENTIFIC FACT MY BRO.
    Everyone, MOMS included, need to do something for themselves. We have to live our lives too..I know our children are our life, true again but a smart woman can balance between family and work.
    children are born to be raised by two parents, a mother and a father. Why is it that mothers are always to blame for everything.
    For once i beg you to think about the fathers role!!
    p.s. i still adore you temi ;-)

    By Blogger A3sab, at 24.11.05  

  • om mejrin,
    - i argue against 2hrs of quality time against 10hrs of no interaction (which is still impossible but i know what u mean)

    - true mothers have to think for themselves .. (when 'themselves' includes her family), so b 6abee3at il 7aal AKEED ako jobs that do NOT interfere with motherhood.. OFCOURSE there are and im surely in no position to consider otherwise

    - wala yehemich, role of the father in parenting will be discussed .. its just that addressing both in a topic abt mothers would stir up drama (just like we're doing now hehe)

    - im not sure where u got blaming the mothers from, i dont think any of us hinted to that (?)

    - 3ashat lena om mejrin wekhaleeha thekhir

    - abt 'om mejrin', i did say in the 1st comment that its for no particular reason :)

    By Blogger Temetwir, at 24.11.05  

Post a Comment

<< Home