Essay

1. Introduction

My hot Greek Dr is a charming young lady. Not a day over 35, if that, she looks damn fine. As is the case with shallow silly little boys like myself, we tend to like hot, Greek, charming, fine 35-looking-20-year-old-'succesful' women a tad more than, well, the rest (?) I guess. My babe of a Dr assumed I was a "native speaker of Italian" the day we met. When I said "no", she asked "Spanish?". The nice little boy inside of me wanted to scream "native speaker of Arabic you fucking bitch". But ofcourse, as with every hot babe, manners are kept intact.

Courtesy of 4 years attending at KU (WoooHooo - sheghel UCLA), I had no problem at decoding her sound patterns of her accented-English (which, by the way, is similar to Arnold's accent - true story), nor did I have trouble in keeping up with the somewhat boring lectures I attended with the undergraduates.

2. The Assignment

During seminars, I do my best (I am the best - true story) at looking interested and actually know what the fruit is going on. My claim is backed up by the fact that my occasional one sentence contribution sounds (and is) smarter than all what has been discussed in my period of silence (which is quite some while - true story). I know so because I sense excitement in Oh My Dearest Dr's tone of voice when she continues to discuss the articles she has told us to read a week prior. Not because I have any idea whatsoever about what I just said.

Rewind to Tuesday before last, we: myself, Dutch chick, British chick, Chinese chick (if you must know, mo demaayir laken salaa7eyat needo ya3ni - el dektora a7la to put in terms you would understand) were in seminar bright and early; I was excited because it was the day of the announcement of the assignments. Not that I'm excited because of the assignments, rather for the logical reason: the earlier I know about it, the earlier I can be done with it.

It so happens that the deadline for submitting such assignment is the better late half of January.

Ma7footh il salaama 7athrety is done already.

I spent yesterday (Tuesday - a week from being given the topics) typing away; quoting sources here and there (I read some of them this time, honest - true story); making it sound as if I care what I'm writing about and all that nonesense. Not to brag or anything, but it actually does sound like a 'proper' paper. I mean, shit, I know wassup so wassup?

3. Pulp Fiction

To pull-off a Tarantino here, rewind to seminar again. This is how it went down:

(Me tries his best at speaking in a British accent, btw)

Dr: blahblahblahblah..
Me: So yah am thinkin' a'd be finished within a mownth, yaah?
Dr: Well, that is quite ambitious, wouldn't you say?
Me: Ya umm, akchely I would no'.
Dr: Well, I think you should reconsider. I mean when will you be able to gather sources and read?
Me: *telling myself: well iz no' layk amma akchely read the whole bloody bibliography, now iz i' ?* That sho'en be a hassle.
Dr: Do you plan to go back to ...... err .. err .. (bitch, probably thinking of a stupid Italian or Spanish village - 3alabona metmasken 3endaha te7asebni weld fager) .. err ..
Me: Yaah, Kowayt.
Dr: blahblahblah..

4. Back on Track

So anyway, I email her last night. Tell her that "I'll send you a copy of the ESSAY by tomorrow."
She says I should send her a plan/structure. Since I don't really know what the difference between a plan and a structure is (true story), I go ahead and send her the headings of the titles of my ALREADY WRITTEN essay.
She says it's not detailed enough and would like to know sources and what not.

I ignore.

I go to her office 4hrs later, a lot of blahblahblah takes place and she says I should send her a detailed plan/structure.

5. Conclusion

5.1 Letter to the Dr

I still don't know what a plan/structure is. Nor do I want to. What I will send is a summary of what I have already written. Yes, I am that confident. No, I don't care that it may have been done in haste. What the fruit? How would you know the difference between if I wrote it now, and writing it the day before the deadline? Bitch, "I hate you". I always suspected I liked you because you're hot, and now I know. Bitch. You may as well needed 2 bloody months to write 3,500 words when you were my age. And perhaps you "know people who struggle as to what to mention in this limitation". I'm not you, and I'm not people you know, bitch. I did it in one day. That's what I do. Now STFU and give me a 50% so I can pass your gay module and get on with my life.

5.2 FYI

I would even go as far as to challenge all your mofo students as to which is better: an essay done in one day with motivation; as opposed to one written over the period of 2 months with nothing but the feeling of it being a burden.
Oh and I don't think "I'm gonna make it" to seminar the next couple of weeks.

5.3 Die Slow, slash Die in a Fire !!!!11one

See title.

Chairz :)