Temetwir

16.11.05

Essay

1. Introduction

My hot Greek Dr is a charming young lady. Not a day over 35, if that, she looks damn fine. As is the case with shallow silly little boys like myself, we tend to like hot, Greek, charming, fine 35-looking-20-year-old-'succesful' women a tad more than, well, the rest (?) I guess. My babe of a Dr assumed I was a "native speaker of Italian" the day we met. When I said "no", she asked "Spanish?". The nice little boy inside of me wanted to scream "native speaker of Arabic you fucking bitch". But ofcourse, as with every hot babe, manners are kept intact.

Courtesy of 4 years attending at KU (WoooHooo - sheghel UCLA), I had no problem at decoding her sound patterns of her accented-English (which, by the way, is similar to Arnold's accent - true story), nor did I have trouble in keeping up with the somewhat boring lectures I attended with the undergraduates.

2. The Assignment

During seminars, I do my best (I am the best - true story) at looking interested and actually know what the fruit is going on. My claim is backed up by the fact that my occasional one sentence contribution sounds (and is) smarter than all what has been discussed in my period of silence (which is quite some while - true story). I know so because I sense excitement in Oh My Dearest Dr's tone of voice when she continues to discuss the articles she has told us to read a week prior. Not because I have any idea whatsoever about what I just said.

Rewind to Tuesday before last, we: myself, Dutch chick, British chick, Chinese chick (if you must know, mo demaayir laken salaa7eyat needo ya3ni - el dektora a7la to put in terms you would understand) were in seminar bright and early; I was excited because it was the day of the announcement of the assignments. Not that I'm excited because of the assignments, rather for the logical reason: the earlier I know about it, the earlier I can be done with it.

It so happens that the deadline for submitting such assignment is the better late half of January.

Ma7footh il salaama 7athrety is done already.

I spent yesterday (Tuesday - a week from being given the topics) typing away; quoting sources here and there (I read some of them this time, honest - true story); making it sound as if I care what I'm writing about and all that nonesense. Not to brag or anything, but it actually does sound like a 'proper' paper. I mean, shit, I know wassup so wassup?

3. Pulp Fiction

To pull-off a Tarantino here, rewind to seminar again. This is how it went down:

(Me tries his best at speaking in a British accent, btw)

Dr: blahblahblahblah..
Me: So yah am thinkin' a'd be finished within a mownth, yaah?
Dr: Well, that is quite ambitious, wouldn't you say?
Me: Ya umm, akchely I would no'.
Dr: Well, I think you should reconsider. I mean when will you be able to gather sources and read?
Me: *telling myself: well iz no' layk amma akchely read the whole bloody bibliography, now iz i' ?* That sho'en be a hassle.
Dr: Do you plan to go back to ...... err .. err .. (bitch, probably thinking of a stupid Italian or Spanish village - 3alabona metmasken 3endaha te7asebni weld fager) .. err ..
Me: Yaah, Kowayt.
Dr: blahblahblah..

4. Back on Track

So anyway, I email her last night. Tell her that "I'll send you a copy of the ESSAY by tomorrow."
She says I should send her a plan/structure. Since I don't really know what the difference between a plan and a structure is (true story), I go ahead and send her the headings of the titles of my ALREADY WRITTEN essay.
She says it's not detailed enough and would like to know sources and what not.

I ignore.

I go to her office 4hrs later, a lot of blahblahblah takes place and she says I should send her a detailed plan/structure.

5. Conclusion

5.1 Letter to the Dr

I still don't know what a plan/structure is. Nor do I want to. What I will send is a summary of what I have already written. Yes, I am that confident. No, I don't care that it may have been done in haste. What the fruit? How would you know the difference between if I wrote it now, and writing it the day before the deadline? Bitch, "I hate you". I always suspected I liked you because you're hot, and now I know. Bitch. You may as well needed 2 bloody months to write 3,500 words when you were my age. And perhaps you "know people who struggle as to what to mention in this limitation". I'm not you, and I'm not people you know, bitch. I did it in one day. That's what I do. Now STFU and give me a 50% so I can pass your gay module and get on with my life.

5.2 FYI

I would even go as far as to challenge all your mofo students as to which is better: an essay done in one day with motivation; as opposed to one written over the period of 2 months with nothing but the feeling of it being a burden.
Oh and I don't think "I'm gonna make it" to seminar the next couple of weeks.

5.3 Die Slow, slash Die in a Fire !!!!11one

See title.

Chairz :)



19 Comments:

  • Dude! When I read that she sounds likeArnlod Shwartznegger, I was imaging Arnlod wearing a wig & dress, with lipsticks & all! LOL!

    By the way, I came accross a good book and wanted to share :: Art of Project Management.
    You can see a preview of Ch13 here.

    You can buy it here and here.

    * You irritate me when you write 'chairz'. :p -- karasi ?!

    By Blogger MBH, at 16.11.05  

  • Lol. I liked the fruits. And the English accent. Chairz? Hehe, I agree with mbh...but I guess it's your own personalized version of 'cheers.' :)

    By Blogger Erzulie, at 16.11.05  

  • Haha I do my projects the same way as you: In one freakin frenzied day. Except, that one day is usually in the 24 hours after the deadline.

    I never learn!

    Procrastination, thy name is Gigi.

    Procrastination, hopelessly :/

    By Blogger Gigi, at 16.11.05  

  • I think what your professor is asking for is an outline of your essay temi. latista3yil. take your time

    By Blogger A3sab, at 17.11.05  

  • mbh heheh qal6aaan .. shes pretty bas i mean .. i didnt know ena greek was "similar" to austrian in that way (some of the pronunciations r similar)

    oh and abt the book thanks, ive got some guidelines and all that.. im just "saying" i dont know what a plan/structure is.. its not like ireally dont heh

    erzulie lol, and yes .. its a version of cheers :)

    gigi heh i really think its better to do it in one day (three days max) and then 'work/edit' .. im going over it again between lectures today am sure ill find stuff that i have to change.. its just that, LA TEGOLI ENA I "CANT" DO IT !!

    a3sab hmm not sure if its an 'outline' becoz outline has a specific meaning .. but yes.. what she wants is "what r ur sources, and how ru going to discuss their findings in a manner which is relevant to ur topic" :)

    By Blogger Temetwir, at 17.11.05  

  • Sajja A39ab, if you can get 50% of the grade from just one day's effort, it's worth putting in a little bit more to really perfect your paper. It'll be worth it if you later plan on getting your PhD degree from a University besides Life ;) You know, the kind that cares about silly things like G.P.A's *blah*

    But then again there's always that pesky formula that stipulates that 20% of one's effort yeilds 80% of the result, and 80% of effort is required to yeild the final 20% of the result.

    Hmmm.. so I guess that's what everyone else is busy doing in the other 29 days of the 30 day assignment period.

    Gigi, epiphanically

    P.S. What do you think of that effort/result formula? I think the principle behind it is accurate, don't you think?

    By Blogger Gigi, at 17.11.05  

  • Note: I was was writing my last comment probably as you were writing yours and so published mine before I saw the reply of yours that came before it.*

    Gigi, explanatorily

    *I think this could qualify as a tongue-twister.

    By Blogger Gigi, at 17.11.05  

  • I meant the book as a future reference ^_^

    Ninety-Ninety Rule of Project Schedules: The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of
    the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.

    By Blogger MBH, at 17.11.05  

  • WAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHa

    temetwir: way to go MATE, 3indik iyahom e7asboon nafsohom fahmeen killshau wihma mafe aghba minho.

    adios amigo ,)

    By Blogger Hattorihanzo, at 17.11.05  

  • Why do you curse so much?! 7araam the woman was trying to do her job, screaming obsenities in your head isn't going to help.. Besides just because she thought you were italian/spanish doesn't mean that shes thinks inik 'weld fagir'

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 17.11.05  

  • i'm a very slow writer
    ah
    don't know what to do
    ah
    would you like to help me :p
    whats your secrete :p

    By Blogger LaiaLy_q8, at 17.11.05  

  • gigi 50% is the pass grade, which to be honest is all i care for since am not interested in anythin else like "knowledge" and what not
    am not sure i quite get the formula.. but my 1st impression is that i like it and would agree unless i got it all wrong
    oh btw sidenote, i was advised to run the paper by u when am done with the editing

    mbh lol thats just depressing to read.. or in essay terms: Utterly desolate

    bo fay heheh ana weyak feena 7arra 3ala kel el UK am sure

    anonymous if u thought that was too much u shouldve met me 2yrs ago (true story).. besides, i wouldnt say i was cursing in my head shda3wa, just messin around with the way im writing
    the weld fagir comment was in regard to "remembering a name of a village" .. i dont think u got it

    so yaa i think u read the post literally, am not sure u got the right idea :) its not like 7aaged 3alaiha ya3ni heh

    laialy whats ur paper discussing?
    anyway i guess the secret, besides being born with the skill :P, is to actually know what ur talking abt, as in what the 'classic' studies suggest, how thought has evolved and where does the current attitude reside in relation.. if u know that then 3,500 words isnt enough to be honest :)

    By Blogger Temetwir, at 17.11.05  

  • Tem:
    "i was advised to run the paper by u when am done with the editing"

    True story??! ;|

    Gigi, incredulously

    By Blogger Gigi, at 17.11.05  

  • gigi true story
    and if i hadnt known any better id say ur calling me a liar
    anyway, CD recommended u thats why i mentioned it

    By Blogger Temetwir, at 17.11.05  

  • Hahaha I couldn't resist using your "true story" line :D

    Anyway, I'm glad you knew better ;P cuz you're right I wasn't calling you a liar, the reason I was incredulous is that I was surprised that anyone would recommend me to edit anything.

    Min zeeen osloobi ya3ni?! 3eshtaw :D Or is it that someone has guessed/suspected that we're in the same major?? Enquiring minds need to know!

    Anyway Tem, of course 7athreeeeeeeeeen oo ma yabeela kalaaam. Whenever you're done you'll find my email address on my blog. I'll do what I can.

    Gigi, obligingly

    By Blogger Gigi, at 17.11.05  

  • the only thought going through my mind as i read the post and all associated comments was: "THANK GOD I'M DONE!!"

    By Blogger MSB, at 17.11.05  

  • gigi heh 3alamech, el mas'ala o ma feeha ena she thought ud be good to just review it take a look see if u like it or not.. u majored in linguisics?

    msb lol im glad ur glad ur done!

    By Blogger Temetwir, at 17.11.05  

  • You mean you're not a business/economics major?! :O

    I totally expected you to be in a more useful field than something like linguistics*!

    Gigi, disillusionedly

    *my apologies to any English Majors out there :P*

    P.S. I'll still be waiting for your paper. I may not know jack-shit about what you're writing about, but I do have a knack for crystallizing arguments.

    By Blogger Gigi, at 18.11.05  

  • gigi
    obviously, ur not enrolled at the University of Life.. no wonder i havent seen u in any of the courses i teach

    the 1st thing we tell u at UOL is "do not listen to those who didnt graduate from UOL"
    -they have no idea what theyre talking abt, they just repeat what they read in books - which btw some werewritten by graduates of UOL

    -part B of the 1st lesson being: "there is no university, nor field, nor advanced programme at any other univ that tops taking one single course at UOL"

    -the 2nd thing we teach u? "Fuck science in all its branches, its for the brain-dead"
    -yes, that includes linguistics and it does include business

    given that u already graduated from some univ, under no circumstances will u be admitted into UOL

    its the other way round, anyone who attended UOL can get into any univ he or she wishes 100% guaranteed

    By Blogger Temetwir, at 18.11.05  

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