Temetwir

13.8.05

"6aalig, agolich 6aalig"

Let's get one thing straight, these are not reasons 'why I think divorces happen'. These are what I
know to be some of the reasons: either first hand (from the divorced himself) or second hand (mangoola 3an the divorced himself directly).
Reasons which I have personally deemed as 'just plain wrong'.

Now, since I only mentioned 6 examples in my last post, I would like to level things out here.

If in any case you doubt credibility, do so at your free will. No offence, but that would only go as far as to prove that you have not yet met all the people you should have to make a comment on such a matter.

The fact that some of the ladies (speicifically) did further certify knowing of some of the reasons mentioned in the other post, suggests that there is no point in excluding any more.

Moving on.

-a- The unknown. Could actually be for no reason, or perhaps reasons unknown. Personally, I would like to think of it as the latter. In any case, mo kafo min el asaas. The common :

-laish 6alagt?
"sara7a, ana ma3idt ashof nafsi ma3aha"
-shlon?
"chethe"
-sheno y3ni?
"madri .. a7es mo metwafgeen, madri"
-ma tadri?
"e, ya akhi ma ashofha tesla7ly
-shlon?
"ma adri"
-chethe?
"ee chethe.. madri"

-b- Man seeking social status, therefore marrying a girl from a well-known well-respected family. Bint iflan o 3ilaan.
When struck by the fact that bint iflan o 3ilaan is infact a human being with needs (mind you, different standards - which by the way I think she is fully entitled to), needs that he can not support. He decides it was a 'wrong decision', and decides it's time to go. I am not only talking about finances, nor am I ruling finances out.

-c- Il 3ain Il Zaygha. Man married woman for looks, and looks only. Although the woman may still be regarded as beautiful at the time of divorce, we all know that once you have had something, it's just not the same anymore. Not to mention, that there will always be the younger, tighter girl. Ma widy agol that some men actually want a beautiful woman as their wife to 'show off'. Itrizzah perhaps, yegiz feeha another perhaps. Anyway, some girls are to blame, if you know what I mean.

-d- Family strikes. I chose to 'forget' to mention that some of the mothers constantly urge their daughters to get a divorce with promises of "azawjich ely a7san menah, entay kelman yetmanaach". However, for the sake of this post, I can not neglect it. Change 'mother' into 'family', though. Pressure could come from the whole family, uncles aunts and cousins included.

-e- Men who see divorce as the easy way out. If he can afford the divorce, he would spare no expense at 'buying his way out'. This is a reason, in the sense that he feels secure with or without marriage.

-f- The girl(s) on the side. Totally different than -c-, on your own on this one I'm afraid.

Obviously, none of this would have reached me if the man was fit for marriage in the first place.

Just know that most of these reasons are associated with premarital relationships, b shahadaat the divorced themselves.

Ofcourse, 'more serious grounds for divorce' as is mentioned in one of the comments do exist. But that is NOT what I am discussing here, not at all.


3ala sa3eedin aakhar, who else is happy that the likes of 3ali Il Baghli, Dr Naji Il Zaid, 3abdelme7sin Jamaal amongst others are back to writing articles. Bas naagisna 3abder7aman Il Najaar o cham wa7id.

I would like to take this opportunity to offer 3abdili6eef Il D3ay double what they pay him, so that he extends his vacation.

9 Comments:

  • typical in traditional mariages

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 13.8.05  

  • waiiit a minute, some girls are to blame how?!

    By Blogger Spontaneousnessity, at 13.8.05  

  • because some girls don't like to compromise/don't feel like they need to

    By Anonymous sector, at 13.8.05  

  • I think the best bullshit free way to get married is this:
    being able to open your heart 100% with someone without worries is the key to a lifetime bond. come what may.
    If you can communicate as friends, I mean reeeeeal friends, the kind of friends that you have no problem sharing the most intimate secrets or details with then you're home safe & sound.
    If at any point you sense turbulence as a result of you confiding in that person then you don't have a real friend there & spare yourself ample agony.
    Its a genuine sense that you can't fool yourself with & if you choose to compromise, then good luck.
    Friendship is a way stronger bond than marriage or any other relation.
    What if I never come across someone that I'd tick with you'd say. Well its just like what if you never win Al-watani jackpot. A sad fact is that true friends are hardest to come by :-(
    One other note is an issue that never ceases to baffle me. The resentment people have here for a marriage to a non Kuwaiti (man/woman). Think about it, every single disease a small community like ours has will just keep on circling around. gene pooling. what is wrong with a kuwaiti girl marrying a pakistani, or a man marrying irish… wallah its healthier on the long term, not to forget the more immediate effect of broadening the society's state of mind.

    By Blogger Luckybellybuddha, at 13.8.05  

  • anonymous
    what part of the 2nd to last paragraph did u not understand?

    spontaneous
    how do i say this.. "sell themselves" ? mas'alaat idlaalah 3ala a3marhom .. again, if u know what i mean

    sector
    thats not what she asked, but valid point nonetheless.. not on this particular subject thu

    mistletoe
    i totally agree on the "being open" part .. communication between spouses is the reflection of compatibility , at least thats how i look at it.. to be honest, i dont understand the whole "i dont look at him/her that way" when someone excuses him/herself of accepting to marry someone they already know.. know VERY well i might add.. sure, its their lives.. but ill never understand the "i dont see her/him that way" .. WHAT WAY? if theyre decent enough to earn ur respect and admiration, and they know ur decent enough and respectable that they think of u highly, as a wife for example. then whats the problem?

    i bet most will say "theres no romance in it" or something to that sort .. fuck movies, fuck novels.. get a grip

    ur other point however, it just comes down to security for the future.. i know of a couple of friends whose moms are q8i, but not fathers .. theyre ur average q8i and all that .. BUT u know how it is bil deerah .. plus nobody can tell whats going to happen in the coming years.. yet i still think it is HIGHLY subjective and definitely looked at as a one-by-one situation

    that is ofcourse assuming that the q8i girl with her foriegn husband r willing to live in kuwait, if not thats a totally different matter

    to illustrate : q8i men marrying foriegn women are a TOTALLY different story .. i should know :)

    By Blogger Temetwir, at 13.8.05  

  • i think the main reason is that girls/boys (am not gonna call ppl with such actions men/women cuz they're not a grown up yet) get married at a young age like 18 or so ! or being pampered when they were single not knowing what kind of responsibilities that marriage brings ! they also think their marriage is goin to be like one of the romance movies they watch on movie channel where they're goin to have a big wedding, roses, candles , love and love and even more love ... thats so Irresponsible.they should know that by time they're gonna face some problems and that they shouldnt just fall apart from one single argument about how many calories does the chocolate cookie has!
    the parents should take some of the blame ,,, they shouldn't let their daughter/son get married if they're not sure she/he would able to handle it.

    i was wondering why the devorcing rates in kuwait getting higher and higher each year !... in the old days untill the 90s getting divorced in kuwait was a major disaster but now the couples get divorced as soon as they arrive to kuwait air-port comming from what so called their " honey moon".
    alla yaster 3aljameee3
    thanks for bringing up such an important issue ,, which we really need to discuss and maybe find some solutions .and sorry for taking so much of ur time (welhathra el zaydah) ;p

    By Blogger Brava Valentia, at 14.8.05  

  • {{ but ill never understand the "i dont see her/him that way" .. WHAT WAY? if theyre decent enough to earn ur respect and admiration, and they know ur decent enough and respectable that they think of u highly, as a wife for example. then whats the problem?}}....
    Sorry Temetwir, excuse my thick skull bas thaya3tni here..not sure I follow you bud :-(

    By Blogger Luckybellybuddha, at 14.8.05  

  • mother courage,
    i think what ur trying to say is what i summarized in saying "mo kafo" .. i agree totally

    blaming the parents is a point that totally slipped my mind. in some cases, i think that could be true.. in other cases, am not so sure

    the "love, love and more love" idealogy can be logically paired with the fact that "kanaw yekalmon ba3ath gabel el zawaj" .. which is a totally different thing, which normally would mean " a waste of time" .. so yes, blame the movies/songs but also they should blame themselves, ohma yabaw elbalawi 7ag ro7hom

    mistletoe,
    u wrote, and i quote :
    "If you can communicate as friends, I mean reeeeeal friends, the kind of friends that you have no problem sharing the most intimate secrets or details with then you're home safe & sound."

    to which i totally agree.. and thus, because i do agree and think that "friendship" in marriage is just as important as anything else.. i will never understand how some people would say "ana ma ra7 atzawaj flaan/a lena ma ashoofhom fi hal 6areega.. ma ashoofa ka rayli/ma ashoofha ka morti", given that they know each other beforehand

    NOTE: ye3arfon ba3ath, doesnt mean yekalmon ba3ath o gasib 7ebny wa7ebik

    By Blogger Temetwir, at 15.8.05  

  • ok here's my 2 cents in the matter. People here often marry for the wrong reasons. The girl thinks of it as being maybe a way out of "bayt ahalha" or a ticket to freedom. Or even sillier a reason to be the center of attention to get to wear a wedding dress...etc.

    Marriage is 50/50 it's naseeb you might be lucky in love but marriage...not so much. OR you got arried traditionally and it turned out the perfect match...it's all a luck of the draw.

    The thing is I think so many times people get married for the wrong reasons and that's why divorce is so bad. No telrance on BOTH parts. It takes two so no blame should be put on just the man or just the woman. If they were mature enough to talk about it they wouldn't be divorced.

    By Blogger samboose, at 15.8.05  

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